


Rumor Has It

by Jabberwocky (Sisterwives)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Clothed Sex, Grinding, Humor, M/M, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 20:25:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sisterwives/pseuds/Jabberwocky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave gets Tavros to watch a porn flick with him, which is the cheesiest, most terrible knock-off of Peter Pan. Tavros gets excited and tries to ever-so-subtly get rid of his problem by slowly grinding up against the bed. He is not successful in his attempt to pull this off unnoticed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rumor Has It

Sometimes Tavros had to wonder how he managed to get himself into these situations. He mentally backtracked, trying to determine what exactly he had done to wind up in such a compromising position.

————————-

He had recently been introduced to the wondrous human confection called “cookies.” After much wheedling and pleading on his part, he was victorious in wrangling a recipe from John, who was adamant that he would _not_ be involved in the baking process. After half an hour of struggling with Earth measurements, Tavros had successfully placed the cookies into the oven.

He wasn’t quite sure if the batter was supposed to be that soupy, and he still thought it was strange that the recipe called for two eggs, because eating those pieces of shell that were sticking out everywhere looked to be a little difficult…

Still, he was immensely proud of himself for actually baking something by himself. Neither he nor Dave was exceptionally talented in the kitchen, asides from preparing the occasional microwavable meal, so the two roommates mostly subsisted off of take-out: pizza, Chinese, sometimes McDonald’s when Tavros was really craving chicken nuggets… Really, the only time they really had a home-cooked meal was when Rose and Kanaya got fed up with their eating habits, sat them down, and made them dinner.

So it was with a great sense of accomplishment that Tavros looked around the kitchen, which looked as though a tornado had hit it, as nearly every surface was coated in a fine dusting of flour and sugar. It occurred to him that he would probably need something to put the cookies on when they finished baking. He tried looking around for a cooling rack, but he had no idea where they had shoved them when moving into their shared apartment. He gave up and headed for Dave’s room.

“Dave?” he said, knocking on his door and poking his head in without waiting for an answer.

“S’up, man?” Dave replied as he bent down to put a DVD into the tray of the DVD player.

“Nothing, I just wanted to, uh, ask you where….” Tavros trailed off, his curiosity distracting him. “What are you watching?”

“Oh, nothing special, just a movie,” Dave replied nonchalantly, folding his hands behind his head and leaning back in bed. “You want to join me?”

“Okay!” Tavros replied cheerfully and, forgetting all about what he had been intending to ask Dave, flopped down on his stomach beside him.

The music swelled as the disc menu appeared on the TV screen, and the first thing that Tavros noticed was the distinct lack of clothing on the actors.

“Dave…” Tavros said nervously, glancing over at his roommate. “Is this, uh… a pailing prompting film?”  

“Man, I don’t speak troll,” Dave told him, rapping Tavros on the head smartly. “But if that’s what you call straight-up porn, then yup, that’s what we’ve got right here.”

Tavros wasn’t really listening to him, however, as he was too engrossed in studying the screen.

“Oh. Oh my god, is that… Pupa Pan and Captain Hook?” This Pupa Pan might not have had grey skin and horns, but his outfit was uncanny. That is, what little of his outfit that remained, given that his leggings were replaced with skin-tight shorts, and his tunic was strategically cropped to reveal an alarming amount of skin, but he still had that tell-tale hat perched jauntily on his head.

“Oh, yeah, thought you’d appreciate that,” Dave said with a smirk. He brushed up against Tavros as he leaned over him to fetch the remote and press ‘play.’

Tavros tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach (oh god, I’ve never even seen a pailing prompting film before, not even that one that Gamzee sent me over Trollian one day, oh god) and the tingling of his skin (come on, he just touched me, he’s done that loads of times, so why is that making me feel like I just got electrocuted, but, but he invited me to watch a pornographic movie with him, so maybe…). Instead, he propped his chin on his hands and watched, intrigued in spite of himself.

On the TV screen, a red-haired boy looked up at the camera. “Oh, hello! You’re just in time – the infernal Captain Hook has challenged me to a swordfight, but, well… I’m having a hard time getting my sword to cooperate!” He looked sheepishly down at the front of his skimpy boy-shorts and back up at the camera. “I need you to believe in me! Clap if you believe in me, like you believe in fairies and Tinkerbell!”

Tavros clapped his hands but quickly stopped when Dave slid his glasses down his nose and gave him a look of incredulity from over the rims.

“Oh, that’s great!” Pupa — _Peter_ ,  Tavros reminded himself— Pan  said, standing proud as he displayed his fully erect human bone bulge. Tavros swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as he noticed the straining of the thin fabric of his shorts and the clearly visible outline of his head.

In a flurry of over-the-top special effects, Peter flew off to face his nemesis. “Aha, there he is!” he exclaimed at last, grinning mischievously. “The old rascal’s busy greasing up his sword, but not even the most polished weapon can beat me in battle!”

This Captain Hook, a young and lustrous-haired villain with a revealing costume that showed off his lean and muscular body, was indeed busy with a bottle of lubricant. He leisurely drizzled lube over himself, rubbing it into his chest and coating his abs with the slippery substance. He paid special attention to his groin, pouring the lube onto his crotch and causing the fabric to cling to his form. Hook stroked himself through crimson satin, readying himself for this euphemistically-named swordfight.

With a triumphant crow, Peter swooped through the air to attack the captain from behind, pinning him to the ground.

“Insolent boy!” Hook hissed, twisting in his grip so that he was on top. They wrestled on the floor, scantily-clad bodies slip-sliding against each other and pelvises grinding together.

The slippery Hook finally managed to pin his enemy, and it was with a gleam in his eyes that he purred, “Captured at last, you blasted Peter Pan!”

Peter grinned at him and challenged, “Do your worst, you ol’ codger!”

“Oh, I will,” Hook replied silkily. “I will.”

Peter Pan was disheveled and sticky from the lubed-up tussle, and Hook was quick to strip him of his rumpled clothes, all but ripping off the tight little shorts and skimpy tunic.

With his erection freed, Peter bucked his hips up, but Hook pulled away teasingly. “Eager to fight, aren’t you,” he drawled, slipping off his unbuttoned ruffled shirt and sliding down his satin leggings. “I see that your blade’s all ready and raring to go.”

“Eager to see you lose, more like!” Peter shot back.

“We’ll just see about that.” Hook grabbed Peter’s chin and pulled him into a rough, bruising kiss.

“Dave?” Tavros asked, his voice slightly strangled. “Is this, uh, one of your human irony things, that I don’t really get, ever?”

“Damn straight it is, bro. This shit is so terrible, it’s the most ironic thing ever. I’m talking about adult cinema at its finest, right here. You should be grateful I am even letting you feast your eyes on this masterpiece. Someday, archaeologists will come across this, buried in the Sahara Desert somewhere, and they will weep tears of joy when they unearth this godly work of art. People around the world will pine because they are no longer part of the time period that produced the gloriousness of _Peter Pan and the Swordfight of Destiny._ ”

 “Oh.” Tavros promptly clamped his mouth shut. After that sarcastic response, he definitely wasn’t going to admit that he was strangely turned on by it.  He was unable to tear his eyes away from the TV, transfixed by the sight of Hook thrusting as Peter wrapped his legs around his waist, hips grinding against each other.

The lube only made things messier and more uncoordinated, and the heavy rubbing and making out was getting Tavros hot and bothered. His bone bulge was as hard as a rock at this point, and, horrified, he tried to will it away. He was _not_ popping boners in front of Dave Strider, no way—but the thought of how socially inappropriate this was only excited him further. Tavros cursed his traitorous hormones, refusing to give in to his body’s desires.

 Still, it was easier said than done, because the position he was in wasn’t exactly the most comfortable. He shifted subtly, trying to readjust himself so that it was less uncomfortable, but the added friction only made it worse.

He tried to ignore the throbbing below the waist, but he couldn’t quench the aching need for release that was bubbling up inside of him. Almost unaware of what he was doing, he squirmed, unconsciously rubbing up against the bed to get some kind of relief.

Catching himself before he could get too carried away, Tavros froze in mortification. His eyes slid over to Dave, but as far as he could tell, behind the mirrored black shades, Dave’s gaze never left the TV. He let out the breath he had been holding in a silent hiss. Maybe he could just kind of… _experiment_ … and get away with it.  

Tavros just couldn’t fight that desperate urge anymore, too turned on to stop himself from quite possibly making an utter fool of himself in front of Dave, of all people. As slowly and as inconspicuously as possible, Tavros pressed his hips down into the mattress. The pressure helped a little bit, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy him. Stealing another sidelong glance at Dave to make sure he hadn’t noticed, he chanced a wiggle of his rear.

He knew that at this point, he had crossed a threshold of no return. He had gotten some of the friction he craved so much, and there was no way he could deny it further. He thanked his lucky star, the second star on the right, that Dave didn’t appear to have noticed his subtle movements. Emboldened by his success thus far, he tried grinding his bulge against the mattress, and his blood-pusher thumped in his chest as he struggled to control himself.

Eventually, he gave up worrying and settled for simply rubbing up against the bed, gyrating his hips in slow, lazy circles. His lips parted in a silent “oh,” he watched as Peter Pan slid up the length of Hook’s body, one knee pressing up against his crotch. The redhead stroked himself at leisure and his tongue explored the crevices of Hook’s collarbone, and Tavros bit his lip, grinding deeper into the mattress.

In experimenting with different ways to sate his appetite for stimulation, he discovered that if he slid his leg up a little, he created just enough space to thrust his hips shallowly and deliberately. It was agonizingly slow, a torturous process of trying to get as much pleasure possible without being noticed. He gazed at the screen through half-lidded eyes and tried to keep his breath steady to avoid drawing attention to himself, but he couldn’t keep his breath from hitching when Hook used a length of rope to bind Peter’s hands to the mast and the camera panned up his body.

The game was up. Tavros jumped, startled, as Dave leaned down to whisper in his ear, his breath hot against his skin. “Bro, hate to break it to you, but you’re not real good at being subtle.”

Tavros’s face colored and he looked away, mumbling in embarrassment, “Sorry, I, I just, I couldn’t help it, I needed, um, some friction…” Mortified, he tried to sit up so that he could abscond with the tattered remnants of what little dignity he still possessed, but Dave wasn’t about to let him flee the scene unscathed.

Quick as a flash, his hand shot up to grab Tavros’s horn and pull him back down.  “Hey,” he said, his voice dangerously low, husky with something that Tavros could only describe as poorly disguised lust. “Did I say I was complaining?”

Before Tavros could react, Dave was on top of him, straddling his hips in one deft movement. He stretched his body out to cover Tavros and keep him pinned face down on the bed, pressing flush up against his back.

Tavros whimpered as Dave’s erection made itself known, and Dave himself exhaled audibly as he bowed his head to nestle in the crook of Tavros’s shoulder. Tavros’s stomach lurched happily, and the humiliation he felt at being caught dissipated when he realized how much his exhibition had affected his roommate. He had never seen him so close to losing his composure, and it was thrilling to say the least.

On screen, the captain was “sheathing his sword,” as Hook put it, and Tavros fidgeted, his breathing stilted.

Dave’s hand found the hem of Tavros’s shirt and slipped underneath it to graze his bare skin, tracing a pattern along the arch of his hipbone. “Only you would get turned on by this.” Tavros could feel the hum of the vibrations against his throat as Dave snickered, and his cheeks burned with shame.

“I, uh…” he stuttered, but then Dave was pressing a kiss against the curve of his collarbone and he forgot how to speak.

“Hey, better fairyboys in tights than smuppets, bro.  And why do you think I bought this shit to begin with?”

“Uh.” Tavros cleared his throat. “For ironic purposes?”

“Well, yeah, that too,” Dave conceded. “But that’s not the main reason.”

Tavros wrinkled his nose in thought. “Um, maybe possibly to try and seduce me?”

“Give the boy a prize, we’ve got a winner on our hands here,” Dave said, smirking as his lips trailed back up the length of Tavros’s neck. “And you put on a real good show, man. I think you’re due for a reward. But come on, don’t let me interrupt what you were doing…” His tongue traced the shell of Tavros’s ear, and he bit down just as he rolled his hips forward, his arousal signaling Tavros to continue.

Tavros bit back a whine and bucked up into Dave’s touch, grinding against his groin in needy desperation. His back arched with an uncharacteristic gracefulness, curving like the slender neck of a swan as he pressed his hips down once more. And if Tavros wasn’t convinced that Dave would never let himself do something so uncool, he could have sworn that a small, choked noise escaped Dave’s lips.

Due to years of perfecting his sick beats, it didn’t take Dave long to fall in sync with Tavros’s rhythm, thrusting down when Tavros raised his hips to meet him and easing back when he pressed back into the mattress.

More aroused than ever, Tavros grew bold, his eagerness overtaking him. He didn’t have to try and hide the fact that yes, he was getting off on this, and the pulsing of his bone bulge urged him to move harder, faster, and Dave’s hands on his hips only encouraged him further.  

Tavros wormed one hand between himself and the mattress, gripping his shame globes tightly as he rocked up and down. He instinctively stuffed the first two knuckles of his right hand into his mouth in a last-ditch attempt to stifle the pathetic little noises that were threatening to slip out. Dave tugged his hand away from his mouth, brushing his own fingers against Tavros’s lips instead.

“Oh no you don’t,” he murmured. “I want to hear you sing.”

Tavros responded by opening his mouth to suck on Dave’s finger, swirling his tongue around the digit. Dave hissed sharply, caught unawares, but he didn’t pull away. He simply tucked his head into Tavros’s shoulder, biting down as he rutted up against Tavros. He was falling out of rhythm, his pace increasing and his movements growing more and more erratic.

Tavros moaned around Dave’s finger, finally letting himself give into pure carnal lust. Dave’s reaction to the vulnerable noise was visceral, and Tavros could feel him panting against his neck, causing the hairs to stand up and an electric thrill to shoot straight down his spine.  

Dave swore and jerked down one last time, ripping his finger away from Tavros so that he could thread his fingers through Tavros’s mohawk while his other hand tightly gripped the sheets.

Tavros gave a breathy gasp, his think pan short-circuiting as he realized that _this was actually happening to him right now_ , and he keened, rocking back and forth as Dave held him together.  But he was slipping, and he fell apart, black spots swimming behind his eyelids as waves of bliss washed over him. He didn’t care that he was definitely staining his pants and probably Dave’s sheets as well (one secret part of him thought that maybe he could ask Dave to spend the night in his bed instead…), all he cared about was this was real, this was happening, and he was delirious with ecstasy right now. His muscles tensed up before relaxing and he went limp, sighing happily.

Dave unclenched his fist and let go of the rumpled sheets, his ragged breathing growing steady in the post-coital haze. He pressed a kiss to the base of Tavros’s skull, still covering his body protectively as Tavros shuddered from the intensity of his orgasm. After a few moments of lying together, with just the soft noises of a thoroughly spent Tavros to fill the air, Dave lifted his head and sniffed. “Dude, do you smell smoke?”

Tavros stilled. “Oh. Shit.”

————————-

Cookies. The reason why he was currently in this uncomfortable position boiled down to… cookies.  He and Dave, along with the other members of their floor, were stuck outside the apartment building waiting for the firemen to arrive.

“You are such a fucking ignoramus. Are you completely shithive maggots, or were you just too busy off sky-frolicking when they were handing out think pans? How stupid do you have to be to forget that you had weird gross human food in the nutrition preparation device—”

“You’re one to talk, Karkat!” John piped in. “You eat chilled roe cubes!”

“Shut the fuck up, Egbert, I didn’t ask for your opinion. And for your information, that is a troll delicacy that you would know nothing about, so what you think about it doesn’t matter.”

“No, it’s not really, you’re just kind of weird like that,” Tavros pointed out, as frank as ever.

Karkat rounded on him. “Did I ask you, Nitram? Did I? No, I didn’t, so shut your gaping squawk blister already. And why the fuck are you standing like that?”

“Uh,” was all Tavros could say, as eloquent as ever, as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. Dave had had the foresight to grab two of his jackets on their way outside, but there wasn’t time for them to get changed before the smoke made their eyes water. And while Dave wasn’t quite as bad as off as he was, given that apparently humans didn’t produce half the amount of genetic material that trolls did, the entire front of Tavros’s cargos were stained brown.

Karkat squinted at his crotch, and a shiver ran down Tavros’s spine when he realized that Karkat had figured out what had happened.

“Oh, fuck, no, is that what I think it is?” Karkat said in disgust.

“I don’t know,” John mused, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “It’s kind of brownish-orange… did you spill something on you when you were baking?”

Tavros immediately seized on this opportunity to escape unscathed. “Yes! Yeah, that’s most definitely exactly what happe—”

“That’s a steaming mound of hoofbeast shit, and you know it,” Karkat challenged, jabbing an accusing finger at him. “Are you really such a wiggler that you cream your pants when you’re getting your interspecies make-outs on?”

A small smile twitched the corner of Rose’s mouth as Kanaya gave her a knowing look. Tavros didn’t know why, but he suspected that they had speculated about the nature of the relationship between him and his roommate before.

“Um, no, that’s not really what happened at all…” he feebly protested.

“You are the dumbest asshole I’ve ever had the crotch-blistering misfortune of knowing, and an awful liar to boot. Fine, no make-outs, so let me ask you this: where the fuck was your bucket while you were getting off to whatever sick fantasies you— Ow, Jegus, Kanaya!” Karkat snapped as Kanaya sharply pulled his earlobe, but the damage was done, as all eyes swiveled to look at Tavros, who promptly flushed a deep copper.

Dave sidled up to them from where he had been entertaining Terezi and her suitemates, Nepeta, Jade, and Feferi. He casually draped an arm around Tavros’s neck and drawled, “Hey, now, don’t go busting Tavbro’s balls here. He can’t help the fact that he jizzes in his pants at the mere sight of my godlike physique. I’m the fucking Adonis of time.  Dudes always be prostrating themselves on the ground before me and the sight of my fabulous hunk rump.  Don’t even get me started on the fact that I can’t even walk down the street without having some swooning broad getting a case of the vapors—”

“Okay, fine, fuck, we get it, you’re a hotshot!” Karkat griped. “But if you had anything to do with Nitram being a complete and utter dumbass and fondling his shame globes instead of realizing that, well, shit, there’s flammable hazards in the kitchen, then it’s your fault too, you smug shitstain.”

“Actually, man, it’s really all your boyfriend’s fault that we’re stuck out here… he’s the one who introduced Toreadork over here to the wonders of human baking.”

“Boyfr—but Dave, I am not a homosexual!”

“Both of you, just shut the ever-loving fuck up! I can’t believe I am actually having this conversation right now with you two grubfisted nookwhiffers—”

As the others squabbled and attention was drawn away from him, Tavros smiled secretly to himself and pulled Dave’s borrowed jacket tighter around his body. It was worth it.


End file.
